Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
