I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
