I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
