Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
