Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
