I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
