I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
