Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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