I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
