Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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