now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize