Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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