Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
