apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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