He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
