He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
