I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
