There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
