last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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