she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
