I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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