Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
