we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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