I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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