the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.