how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance