Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is classic penis vs brain.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
