Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach

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  (813): he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach http://tfl.nu/e6go
  Replies (25) Good night (3123) Bad night (2891)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

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  (317): so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you http://tfl.nu/m0v0
  Replies (31) Good night (8177) Bad night (1467)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.

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  (608): Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her. http://tfl.nu/6qpw
  Replies (25) Good night (1844) Bad night (6018)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

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  (713): I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more. http://tfl.nu/mxjh
  Replies (18) Good night (4388) Bad night (1138)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

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  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (7295) Bad night (1523)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it

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  (615): Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it http://tfl.nu/48wy
  Replies (10) Good night (1190) Bad night (3486)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.

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  (239): Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis. http://tfl.nu/6cer
  Replies (23) Good night (1421) Bad night (5524)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything

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  (706): I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything http://tfl.nu/u65o
  Replies (11) Good night (1453) Bad night (788)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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  (812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi
  Replies (26) Good night (2160) Bad night (1386)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  welcome to the club.

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  (215): the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night. (1-215): welcome to the club. http://tfl.nu/wwaf
  Replies (5) Good night (1000) Bad night (658)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

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  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1897) Bad night (760)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.

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  (801): I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole. http://tfl.nu/xl47
  Replies (11) Good night (724) Bad night (2240)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...

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  (706): Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles... http://tfl.nu/pb5u
  Replies (6) Good night (392) Bad night (824)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.

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  (417): I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana. http://tfl.nu/djzp
  Replies (0) Good night (405) Bad night (603)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

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  (804): The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it. http://tfl.nu/wu4y
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (518)

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