david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.