fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator