I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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