Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
