So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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