If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
