I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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