Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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