She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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