I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
