We named our party play list daddy issues
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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