my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Houston, we have a blender
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
