need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
