I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
