he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
