At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
