I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
