I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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