Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
