Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
