I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
