I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
