Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
