i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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