3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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