I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
