Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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