after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
