Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
