The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
