I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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