Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
