Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
