Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
