Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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