I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
