well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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