dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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