I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
