Ambien. No doubt about it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
