i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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