Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
