oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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