Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
