we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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