so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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