In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
