I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
