Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
