i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
