Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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