Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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